Saturday, August 22, 2009

Observation - All Marriages Are Different

Dear Readers,
It's been a long time since I've shared any thoughts so I decided I should probably get back to it, before I lose the very very few (if any) readers that I have. There are many things that I think of to share with you readers but by the time I sit down at my computer, those thoughts have usually flown out of my head. But there's one thing that's been on my mind the last few days that I'd like to share with you.
It's this: all marriages are different and you can't judge any marriage relationship by another marriage relationship. Let me explain. For some couples, fighting every day is a part of their marriage. They'll argue and bicker about stupid things, but they fight fair and they still respect and love each other. For other couples, fighting every day would be traumatic and probably destroy their relationship. The dynamics of each relationship are based mostly on the couple's personalities but also somewhat on how they interact with each other. I know that, for Daniel and I, if we were fighting every day (even if it is fair fighting), it would be pretty traumatic for us. Neither of us would feel loved or respected by the other if we were constantly fighting. But for other couples, bickering is what draws them closer together (and strange as that may sound, it's true).
There are, however, certain rules of marriage that, if those rules are broken, the marriage relationship is not healthy. These rules cover things like: no swearing or using bad language at or about your spouse, absolutely no physical abuse, no fighting dirty (bringing up things in the past, being cruel, calling names, etc.), definitely no affairs or even emotional relationships with someone of the opposite sex outside your marriage, etc. I think you get the picture. As long as the ground rules are in place, your relationship and how you and your spouse do things, how you interact with each other, the dynamics of your relationship are up to you two.
Therefore, it's very dangerous and not fair to judge someone else's marriage by your marriage or vice versa. If you see a couple arguing, don't immediately assume that their marriage is rocky. Just because you and your spouse don't argue doesn't mean it's unhealthy when another couple argues, or vice versa.
A second point: if your marriage has an odd circumstance, don't immediately assume that your marriage is bad. For example, if the wife and kids are living here in the states and the husband is deployed to Iraq, that marriage is going to be very strained while the husband is gone and probably for awhile even after he gets home, while he's readjusting to life out of a combat zone. If, while your husband (or wife) is gone, you feel like your marriage is strained, you feel out of touch with your spouse, you feel lonely and somewhat depressed, that is normal. You should feel that way. If you didn't feel those things, then something probably is wrong with your marriage. If there's an odd circumstance in your marriage, than your relationship with your spouse will be odd for awhile... that's normal and healthy and don't let it freak you out.
Anyway, I suppose I've rambled on enough. I don't know why this thought has been in my head for awhile, but now that I've blogged about it, I can rest easy. And I'll leave you with this thought: if it works for the two of you (and it's not breaking any of the rules of a healthy marriage), then just do it. Don't worry about other people's marriages or what other people think. You'll create far more problems trying to mold your marriage to look like someone else's than to just have your own marriage relationship. Until next time...

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